Build, Destroy, Learn, and Rebuild

Every since I can remember I have always been on the look out for my loving wife, I don't know if this is a normal reaction to life or not, I have always been wanting to find that special someone who would be my better half who could fill the void in my soul. Needless to say I have failed at every relationship I have been in, most of which would be considered long term.

I have an unstable ability to attempt to merge my life with someone else, to the point we are only one entity and that creates massive discomfort and the loss of identity for the person I am in the relationship with. The funny thing is it came as a surprise that all of the women I have been with have left me because they say they have lost them selves in our relationship or they feel trapped.

Which from a some what removed prospective I can see now that in the end it was my fault that this would happen, because we would do everything I mean everything together. Of course this is not how they started it is just how the relationship ended up. I also break down on all my boundaries until the point all respect has been lost.

What I have learned with all of this is boundaries are healthy and need to be kept intact even in a relationship, you have to have space and freedom. I am just now figuring this out and that is frighting but at the same time it brings great relief and a sense of growth.

This brings me to the point, where I am at now I just lost the most beautiful person I have ever met and I feel as if I pushed her away in the last year of our relationship because I became insecure and over baring. My goal is to correct that and grow into the confident person she feel in love with!!!